Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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