belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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