The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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