I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
