I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
