Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
