That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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