No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
