You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
