i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
