I'll bet she douches with gravy.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
