Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
