i think my mom watched the whole time
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
