And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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