it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
