How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
