Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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