Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
