Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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