yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
