Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
