There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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