Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Can you bring me the toilet please
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
