at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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