problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We were destined to go to rehab together
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
