If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
