All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
