I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
