I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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