we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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