I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
if only i could text you this smell
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
