you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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