Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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