girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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