my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
