Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
