So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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