I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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