it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
