i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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