So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
