please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
