people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
