It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
