We're like a lot better than the average bears
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
