I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
