I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
