your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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