She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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