We're like a lot better than the average bears
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
The Olympian is in my bed
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
