How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
