Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
