Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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